John: You're listening to The Present Professional, where we explore the intersections of personal and professional development.

John: To change your experience of life and work with every episode.

Tony: So tune in, grab your notebook, and let's go. Let's go.

John: Welcome to another episode of the Present Professional. Today, we want to talk about a theme that has been running very strongly through my life this year and something that I feel we're constantly in this cycle of expanding and then making things simpler, more minimalistic. This year has been that part of the cycle for me, keeping it simple, minimalizing things around me to really deepen in to my focus. We started talking about this when we got on our call today, said, let's do the episode on this, talk about it.

Tony: What do you think, Tony? I think that minimalistic and simple life is extremely important. I think I've been focused on living a life like this for a long time in different ways. Life can get complicated, though. So it's not as easy as it sounds, especially when you have competing priorities and you have competing responsibilities. I mean, people in other countries and before today's time have all lived a very simple life. And I think we overcomplicate that, whether that's intentionally or subconsciously or even just trying to compete with others. So that's my initial thoughts. Can't wait to dive in. Mm hmm.

John: And I think it's very reflective of our culture as well. you know, in our kind of Western capitalistic culture, you know, more is the goal. Accumulate, buy more, new fashion, change it. It's just like this constant change and accumulation. And you're right, I think that other cultures have a different approach. And there's a lot that we can learn from more minimalistic cultures. You said this is something that's always been a theme for you and something that you've focused on. What do you find is the biggest benefit for really keeping this as a focus of your mind?

Tony: I think that keeping what's helped me or what led me to being like this, I think probably the way I was raised. I think it starts there. I think my parents, they are from the generation kind of above most parents, most millennial parents. So they are true baby boomers, honestly. And for them, life is not complicated. So they don't complicate life. I think their life is more complicated now than it's ever been because of technology. But growing up, I mean, you know, I cut the grass growing up. I had to do chores, real chores. Like I watched my dad get up every day and go to work and live a pretty successful life for himself and my parents. So I think watching that model of Kiss, keep it super simple, was super helpful. I think I had to teach myself a lot of things that I didn't learn growing up in an environment like that. So you do have to expand your horizons and learn different things and, you know, try different things. But also at the same time, just having that foundation of One plus one equals two. Just living a life like that, if you have that as your core foundation, I think that helps you thrive, because I think that's what we all want, is to have security and safety in a life that you feel like you have resources every day. Not just the basic elements of life, but when you have a strong foundation, you more easily are readily available to have the things that you want. When you overcomplicate it, it's the highs and the lows. Like sometimes you have everything and sometimes you feel like you have nothing.

John: What I'm hearing is that foundation is really important to, you know, even reaching for some of those things that might be more complicated or a little bit more, but always kind of staying in touch with your roots.

Tony: Yeah, yeah, because I'm not the biggest historian, but sometimes I will look back and I'll say, you know, I say all the time when I talk sometimes, I'm like, we used to live a simple life, you know. I think I told the kids at UHD, I'm like, you know, in the 90s, people didn't have cell phones, you know, believe it or not. They just kind of, you know, they had a beeper. You got a little page, boop, boop. Oh, let me go to pay phone, check in. Hey, everything okay? Yeah, just seeing where you were. I was worried about you. Okay, yeah, I'll be home in two hours. Okay, cool. Bloop. And that was it. Now we feel like we can't leave the house without a cell phone. If you leave the house without your cell phone, you're dead. You know, you're just like, oh my God, I can't believe I did that. You feel like you have to constantly check in with people and text all day. And that's like the norm today. So I'm not bashing it, but I'm just saying that Those are norms we've created as time has went on, but that does not actually mean that you have to do those things to survive. And I think a lot of that is distraction. Not to say I don't love everybody who calls me and texts me. Please keep doing that. But I'm saying that if you as a person are listening to this and you find yourself not where you want to be, then you might want to look at how you spend your time. If you're spending your time a lot on your phone and it's not productive, understand that that is not a requirement of life. You could Turn it off. You could delete the app, you know, just for a little bit of time and get that time back to help you get back on track to where you want to be. And that's minimalistic simplicity in its finest.

John: Getting that time and attention back. it's you know it really is a finite resource that everyone not everyone but i'd say that you know all marketing efforts are in an effort to get all after your attention now yeah Whenever you're able to hold your attention and focus it on to what you want. It can really make a difference for you, and it's made a big difference for me. This is some of the things that I do with teams when I'm when I'm working with burnout is like we focus more on what are the values driven activities in your life. And that's been a big help for me, like understanding what are the values driven activities for me. And sometimes my phone supports a values driven activity. Sometimes my phone supports complete distraction, not a values driven activity. And that doesn't mean that time for leisure is. You know. frivolous, it's okay, but to consciously choose a time when we want to be entertained, when we want to just watch a movie instead of being consumed by the reach for that dopamine hit and what our social media or scrolling on any of the apps can bring to us. So part of that for me is keeping things simple in my environment as well. The cleaner my desk is, the cleaner my desktop is, the cleaner my home screen is, the clearer my mind is. So, I find that, and also, that's kind of minimalistic in environment, but another thing that really helps me is minimalist in decision making. How can I minimize the decisions I need to make during the productive times of my week? So the more time I spend planning a week on, say, a Sunday, the more smooth my week goes, not just from a productivity perspective, but from a decision-making perspective. I already planned the meals that I want to have. I already planned what I'm going to wear. So it's just wake up, put it on, go downstairs. I already got the ingredients to cook. Come up, throw the ingredients out, cook. It's like no thinking about what to do, what to grab, what we have to do. So it's like an hour spent planning for me can reduce four to five hours of decision making, frivolous decision making throughout my week. So that's something that really helps me as well.

Tony: Yeah, speaking of that and food and what you eat and minimalistic, back to growing up, like how I grew up, some of my friends used to laugh at me because I would, my mom would make the same lunch every day. Because I requested it, not because she forced me to eat it, but a simple ham and cheese sandwich with some barbecue potato chips. That was my thing every day. The snacks might change, but that was the base. It worked for me. And like, you know, sometimes I eat a little snack, lunch, pay for a meal. I mean, it didn't matter. But that foundation is something that I've carried into my adulthood, not eating this ham and cheese sandwich with the barbecue potato chips, but being a person who I don't have to have a complicated meal. You know, I worked in a restaurant in college and I learned how to produce a meal in a way that feels good. Like you can have a basic meal. on a nice plate that's plated appropriately, that looks good, and you will enjoy it just because of the way that it looks and it feels and having the right utensils, all those kind of things, that matters more to me than, oh, I need to have all this complication in my meal. It's like, I need to eat. And depending on where I am in my life, I might need to eat quickly and I don't have time to do all this. But then at the same time, from a simplicity standpoint, I just try to get right to it. I don't like to really Waste a lot of time on making those type of decisions. I heard that President Obama, when he was in office, he used to have three suits that he would wear. It would be either gray, black, or blue. And he'd just wake up and just grab one, I guess. I never watched him get dressed. But I'm just saying, he would go and he would pick a suit to decrease his critical thinking before the day even started. And I definitely follow that to a T. I don't wear those three suits, but I'm saying I try to, even what I wear, it's like the clothes make the man. So it's like showing up full, present, that matters more than spending all this time on thinking about what you're gonna wear. And that's no shade or anything to people that do spend a lot of time on that. My wife definitely does. But I'm the opposite. I'm already dressed. I'm like sitting there just watching the ESPN or something waiting to hurt.

John: Yeah, and you know, that's it's one thing to again. It's a values driven choice. If exploring your creativity from a fashion standpoint is something that you value. great like making that you know that might be a conscious choice for crystal and something that she actually enjoys right even if it takes a little while but but for for me that's not that does not bring me joy You know, sitting there thinking about what to wear, what to grab, what goes with each other like that. That to me is a. A drain on resources is not spent towards a values driven activity, so it's like. How can I condense that into, you know, the most efficient way possible and you know this is? Well, first it starts with, you know, what are your values? Right, what are those values driven activities? What do you enjoy doing? What comes naturally to you? You know, these are all things that you know you can discover through. A lot of time and self inquiry in coaching. Awareness assessments like just thought exercises journaling. Things that you can start to discover about yourself and then say. What activities in my day-to-day are aligned with these or what values are reflected in my day-to-day activities? This can go for work, this can go for your environment, how you want to set up your environment, it can go for how you want to set up your schedule, what that looks like so then you can focus your attention on those activities and then be aware of everything else falling into that category of distraction.

Tony: Yeah. And, you know, to stack on that, I would say that you also have to delete the FOMO out of your mind because that's the most one of the most critical elements to trying to actually live a minimalistic lifestyle is FOMO. Because it's very, very real. And if you don't know what FOMO means, fear of missing out. So when you're living a minimalistic lifestyle, all you will see is opportunities to do other things. And depending on your social circle and settings, you might be encouraged to feel that you are actually missing out. For me, I always try to just look at things like an investment. Sometimes the things that you're doing does not really feel good in the moment, but you might have to just wait and see how the outcome is and what the fruits of the sacrifice that you're making today will be, and that's keeping it simple. That's an example. For me right now, I'm very, and John knows this for sure, I'm sure now, I'm very time-sensitive because, I've always been like that, but now that I have two children, I'm very aware of my absence. So when I'm not there, from a minimalistic standpoint, I'm trying to finish tasks in a way that you know, really ends on the hour, you know, or ends, you know, a few minutes after. But my goal is to try to be more present and be there with my family because the time that I spend with them will show up later. You know, they will know that dad might have been busy, but he wasn't absent. You know, or dad might have had a podcast, but he was always there when I needed him versus The opposite. And that's just those things that won't show up until later. But, you know, research just shows that a dad physically just being there, not even saying anything, it just has wonderful production pieces later that you can't see yet. So that's just an example of keeping it simple and being aware, you know, and safeguarding and building out the boundaries in your time that support that and having people that understand, too.

John: Mm-hmm. Now that sounds like some values driven activity for you, sir Yes, sir. Yes, sir, and I I totally agree with that Since my daughter's got got here. It's been a It's such an increased focus on where I'm spending my time and energy and has been really helpful for saying no to things as well. Yeah, and you know, saying yes and. Approaching it from a different way, right? Maybe a little less time. Maybe a more innovative approach. Maybe a couple shortcuts that get us 80% of the way there. Yeah, yeah, right? Because spending that time and energy with the family is just, you know, even. Even more important.

Tony: now. Yeah, and I think there will be times, I was doing this, it's funny I'm gonna say it, I was doing this horoscope reading with a friend that is all into the horos and all the things And just listening, you know, just listening and there's always room to learn. And so one of the things that she said in my reading is that there will be times where basically my schedule will change dramatically because of just life and the roles and things. And it's okay to let old schedules even die and rebirth new ways to still be the same person. And I was like, that's interesting. Like, okay, you know, I'm digging with the horror as a saying. And what I understood that as is, I'm very strict on my disciplines factor of how I do my life. And that part's not going to change, but the routine might change. This time you wake up and go to sleep might change. everything might shift, and that's okay. And you still can keep it simple, but be okay with the changes that'll come. And I've noticed it happening. Now, my objective is to, when I get home from work or Whenever I get home and I'm just kind of just chilling. I'm just there with the family. But I really don't do any work after five or six. When I get home, I really just try to shut down completely from all work and business related things and just physically just be there. And that's a form of keeping it simple. When in the past I might have worked until another cutoff time, But it's just it's just different. It's cool. Shout out to Akilah with the horror I was reading. You need one. Holler at your girl. She's great.

John: This brings up something that one of my clients coined that it's a something that really works for her and the way that she said it really resonated with me and said it's structure without constraint. Mm hmm. So that it's almost like. While you enjoy having an agenda, a schedule and sticking to the routine, it's not constraining yourself to only that structure, but allowing the structure to evolve with your life and what's happening day in, day out, week to week. And as, as things get increasingly complicated, I feel like it's, it's just growing more and more important to find ways to simplify. But then the thing is, is like, we can't get too bogged down in, you know, finding, finding the ways to simplify. It's like, just keep it simple.

Tony: What are the essentials? What are the essentials? And I, and I think that an important part of the conversation is recognizing why and when you need to simplify your life. Cause sometimes, you know, you may not have been like me where you grew up in this environment that structurally kind of built that into your DNA, but. Honestly, and I've been here before too, if you're overwhelmed, if you have too much going on up here in the mind, or you got a lot of clutter going on, or whatever the situation is for you, I think that you can read the signs. If you cannot slow down, like I had someone yesterday kind of had this meditation session that I didn't do it, but we had a meditation session in my organization and someone said, oh, first I saw her walking by and I was like, are you going to join? She was like, no, I wish I could. I'm like, what's stopping you, you know? And then afterwards she's like, oh, I hate I missed it. And I'm like, if you can't take three minutes out of your day to just like park it and pause, that is a sign that you might be running, the engine might be hot. You know what I mean? Like it might be time to cool off, pull over and just look at the scenery. That's literally what simplifying your life means, when you have time to enjoy and see the beautiful wonders of life. Because if all you do is clock in, clock out, robot it so much to where you become an AI machine yourself, you're not living the human side. And the human side comes from, as a friend of mine says, go touch grass, right? It's like, you know, literally take your shoes off and go ground somewhere. Like, feel the ground under you, you know, and just look at the birds, you know. Notice that the moon has moved in a different part of the sky. Like, it's literally simple things like that that we just, I feel like 90% of people are missing out on because You know, this is where we are. Got to clock in, clock out, do life, pay bills. It gets hard, you know, you want to party Sunday, fun day. You know, you just want to enjoy life. You know, social media, it's just all these things. And I don't know.

John: Yep. Keep it simple. There's thinking of. I forget the book right now. I think it's called Steel like an artist, actually. And. And blanking on the author right now, but I'll put it in the I'll put it in the show notes. And. It was about like creating, you know, create tips for creating anything worthwhile. And part of it was to be be boring. right as part of that like part of that FOMO piece is you know simplifying things being a little bit boring so you can put your energy towards what matters what you want to create and then also Like being able to waste a little bit of time as well, or being able to, like you said, put your feet in the grass. There's another quote that always stays with me from Amos Tversky, and he said, he said, the key, he said, the key to doing any good research is to be a little underemployed. We waste years not being able to waste hours. Yeah, that's it. Wow. I totally feel that. Yeah, I do too. Any other closing thoughts here, Tony?

Tony: Definitely. So I read this excerpt out of one of my favorite little books that I read now, it's a very short book, but it's called How to Love, and it's definitely not a love book, but it's a meditation of the author. He said something I read the other day that stuck with me. days and days and days even to now. And what he said is that life is like a symphony. So you have all these wonderful things happening and beauty and for us small children and just successful things happening around you. All the beautiful wonders and things of life, all of us have it. Every single person has a symphony going on right in front of them. But what happens is, it's just like when you're sitting in a symphony and you realize, oh my God, my car, I think I left my car unlocked. Now you're sitting in the symphony and you can't even focus on the symphony because all you're thinking about is, I think I left my car unlocked, and I need to go check on my car, and I need to go lock the doors, and I need to go make sure nobody broke into my car. You're thinking about all of the things that's not in the symphony right now, and it distracts us from actually just peacefully enjoying what we have. It's not necessarily an unlocked car that's going to be potentially broken into, but it could be a bill, it could be FOMO, it could be something that is not even relevant to what's happening in the present moment. When I read that, I was just like, For me, it was a breath of fresh air because so many times, and I hear it all the time in others, it's like you just have to discuss a problem. Maybe that's your makeup, but for me, I'm going to choose to not worry about the car anymore and just enjoy the symphony. When I get to the car and there's nothing that's wrong with it, which is 95 percent of the time that's happened for us, I just didn't enjoy the car ride. You feel where I'm going with that? So, yeah, I want to share that. And hopefully that helps somebody release some things.

John: I love that. I love that. Okay, my friends, go enjoy your symphony, create simplicity in your life so that you can be present in the moment, minimizing distractions to amplify the sound of that symphony. Thank you so much for being listeners. We'll see you next time.